Roman Dog

Blogs are Tedious and Hard to Keep

2006-12-21T09:34:00.000-08:00

What happened? Last post up here was in April. Master went and blogged about me the other day and now I feel obligated to update.

So, I had my manhood removed, against my wishes, thankyouverymuch. That was very uncool. The vet talked the Master into it and no one listened for a second to my feelings. Dang.

Hasn't affected the Frisbee skill, though. And I'm breaking with tradition and posting a color image of me after a successful catch for a first down. I am spying a neighbor cat as this shot was taken, hence the intense stare and macho pose. See, even without balls, I'm still a pretty macho dog.

Eating Like a 1st Century Palestinian

2006-04-27T16:35:00.000-07:00

Hey, folks - long time. Sorry to my many fans who've missed me, especially you friends down in Tampa (who I smelled on some of the kids when they got home last weekend. It got me pretty excited, if you know what I mean.)

One of those kids just took me out back for my favorite game, the game of Kings - Frisbee. And so I was pretty spent and hungry afterwards and laid down to eat.

Reclining to eat is much easier on the digestive system than sitting up and eating. I learned this from my study of ancient civilizations. It's the way the Romans did it, the residents of Palestine way back in Bible times, and other smart and industrious peoples.

Speaking of Palestine - how about that Hamas? Crazy m-f-ers, aren't they? Just kidding. I love all people. I have no politics. I'm a damned dog! And I love me some Frisbee and some dry chunks of supposed "food." Not really. I hate this crap, but it's all they give me. I've learned to deal.

Later,

- Roman

I Love Walls

2006-03-03T08:16:00.000-08:00

Unlike Brick in Anchorman, I do not just randomly see things and declare my love for them. I really do love walls. Here I am exhibiting my unabashed love of a wall. I will likely try to eat a hole in it later.

I have not posted in this thing for a long time. My apologies to my legions of fans.

Been to the vet recently. He recommends the removal of my manhood. I disagree. He says , "It will calm him down and make him less skittish." Yeah, I'm sure. But don't confuse "depressed to the point of death," with "calm." Skittish? Dude, if you were denied access to all the fine young tail that is swarming around my neighborhood, you'd be at the very least "skittish" and more likely "insane."

Did I mention I hate vets? But this guy is pretty cool. Rides a Harley and gives me treats out the wazoo. (And he also treats my wazoo. Sorry - a little dog humor there.)

Ice is the Food of the Gods

2005-12-04T06:17:00.000-08:00

I am pretty easy to please in the treat department. No milk bones or rawhide chews or little fake sausages wrapped in fake bacon and then drenched in chicken broth for this dog. Leave that crap to the house dogs and city sissies. I am a rough and tumble man-dog, who eats a manly snack. Here I am waiting for my favorite treat, an ice cold ice cube. Good for the teeth, good for the body, good for the soul.

Be jealous, all you owners of finicky dogs who eat expensive doggie treats.

Remember the name and tremble in awe each time you hear it...I am Roman, Ice Eater.

Hurricanes Bite

2005-10-27T11:38:00.000-07:00

My ancestors come from the high and dry country of Australia. Therefore, it is not exactly in me to enjoy the swamplike conditions of Florida, where frequent hurricanes leave me sort of glum.

This is me, having to take care of business, but hindered by the onslaught of Hurricane Wilma. I sat in the garage like this for too long, and finally picked my way through the puddles to a spot that wasn't underwater and had a long and very unsatisfying whiz.

See Ya, Buddy

2005-10-05T06:27:00.000-07:00

This is my farewell with Max. He's trying to act all big and tough, holding back his tears.

Actually, his new home is pretty plush and his new masters have had him before. If you ask me, he's got a great thing going, except for the new dog he's living with; a punk little poodle with a major attitude and an intimidating...ummm. "package," shall we say.

Later,

- Roman

I Live in the Now

2005-09-23T12:30:00.000-07:00

Me and Max, enjoying our final weekend together before he moves to his new home in Tampa. I'd say I was going to miss him, but I'm a dog - and I forget whatever is out of sight. For example, my master went to the store and when he got back 15 minutes later, I was so happy to see him. Reason: I forgot he existed until he walked back in the door.

So farewell, Max - I'll remember you next time I see you.

Wrestling a Sheep

2005-09-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

This is me with a black sheep. OK, I'm lying. It's actually me with a poodle. His name is Max and I like to bite his ears and legs, which he allows for the most part.

He teaches me all sorts of negative behaviors that get me in trouble, like how to sneak off when the master has his head turned, or how to look at the master with a dumbfounded expression when told to "come."

We're pretty tight, but Max is moving to Tampa soon. I hope he enjoys retirement. I will miss him.

Inner Turmoil

2005-09-13T06:05:00.000-07:00

I must confess, I've got a rebellious streak that surfaces with alarming frequency. I want to be good, I really do, but I just can't. It starts in little ways; not coming when called, staring too long into the master's eyes, the usual stuff. But before I know it, I'm eating holes in walls and ripping up underwear.

God, help me. I need a job. With sheep.

Wolves and Foxes, Beware

2005-08-30T15:21:00.000-07:00

To me, the spirit of the wolf, the fox and the coyote inhabit what many humans think is a simple play-toy.

This knotted rope, in fact, represents to me all that is evil; all who seek to destroy my sheep, (who don't exist except in my mind.)

But it doesn't hurt to practice. When the time comes, thieving scalawags and ne'er-do-wells will all know of Roman of the Hills; Wolf Slayer, Fox Destroyer and Coyote Crusher. Bring it on, chumps.

Later,

- Roman

Keeping the Parts Cooled

2005-08-26T04:54:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh. This is what I was telling you about. Cool tile on my warm personal parts is quite refreshing. I know it looks odd, but it's one of those things that dogs do because they can - and you would too if you could.

Later,

- Roman

A Job Well Done

2005-08-25T06:32:00.000-07:00

When I am done chasing the Frisbee, I bring it under the trampoline, which is the closest thing we have to a sheep pen here. I know what I'm doing and someday I will be baddest sheep herder in the Hills. My master thinks I am just playing. Actually, this is all very calculated and premeditated. I am not going to be made a fool of when they release me someday to round up sheep. Sheep are Frisbees, as far as I'm concerned, and Frisbees are Sheep.

Later,

- Roman

Yes, I shed. Sorry.

2005-08-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

August is a real hot time, so I try to cool off on the tile as much as possible. Later, I'll show you a picture of me cooling my male parts on the tile. People think it's gross, but until you've tried it, you can't talk.

See that glob of hair in front of my front paws? That's mine. The masters hate it, and my answer to them is, "Give me some sheep and a few acres and that stuff wouldn't even be here! I'd shed it off as I ran around doing my job!"

Later,

- Roman

Tuesday Tedium

2005-08-23T11:13:00.000-07:00

People think I'm depressed. And I ask, "Who wouldn't be?" I'm supposed to be herding sheep and frolicking through the hills, but instead I'm here, on a couch. This life is killing me.

Later,

- Roman

Frisbee is Freakin' Fun

2005-08-22T13:37:00.000-07:00

I live to catch me some Friz. Here's me doing just that. I am pretty outstanding at this sport, I must say.

Later,

-Roman

Where are the Kids?

2005-08-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

I must have my hours mixed up, 'cause I was pretty sure the kids were due home from school any minute. Pictured here with me is Max, an old poodle who lives with me. He's not much for horsing around and gives me crap all the time for biting his legs. He can't catch a Frisbee either and is terrified of narrow passages.

Hey - What's up?

2005-08-22T10:55:00.000-07:00

Hi,

I'm Roman - a dog.

Seems like everyone has a blog these days, so I thought I'd have one too.

This is my life. It's pretty carefree and lazy. Right now I'm really tired.

More later.

-Roman

Daytime TV is Boring

2005-08-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

The kids are all in school on a Monday and the masters are working on their stupid computers, so there's nothing to do. I'm so bored. Even though we have digital cable with the Cinemax package, I can't find a thing to watch on the tube. I'm usually not this lazy. Ah well - yes I am. Who am I kidding? I'm a dog.

Later,

- Roman

Black and White

2005-08-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

I made a radical decision. Even though I use a digital camera, I'm going to take all of my photos into Photoshop and desaturate them, giving my blog an "old-world" look. I dig the old world, ya know? Life was simpler then. Of course they didn't have air conditioning and cool stuff like that.

But back then, people always fed their dogs table scraps, which was very cool. I get the same old crap everyday; dried Pedigree for dogs with digestive problems. It sucks. I want gravy and meat loaf and garlic bread and good stuff, but my master thinks that's bad for me. When he isn't looking, the kids feed me whatever they're eating. So I get to taste pizza and frosted mini-wheats and mac and cheese. Bagels and spaghetti and burgers and fries. Man, I'm hungry. And tired.

Later,

- Roman